


That Time That Agron Tripped Balls On Roman Fish (or why I don't actually have a working title - it's save file is FreakyFish)

by Tales_and_Chains



Category: Spartacus Series (TV), Spartacus: Vengeance
Genre: Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:27:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28233156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tales_and_Chains/pseuds/Tales_and_Chains
Summary: So apparently there was this fish - salema porgy - and eating it causes you to hallucinate. It's called Ichthyoallyeinotoxism. Totally a thing. Anyway, I was reading that in Ancient Rome, the Romans would cook and eat said fish and then (in totally scientific terms) trip balls. For days. Like, this crap lasted for (sometimes) 36 hours.You see where I'm going with this.A plotbunny formed and I couldn't NOT write this. I really wanted it to be funnier than it was? But this is Agron we're talking about. Rage Teddybear would not let things happen that were TOO funny. Also, this is part 1. I'll be working, in the coming days, on part 2. And (hopefully) on some other pieces.Regardless, enjoy and may your Yule, Solstice, Saturnalia and the rest of the holidays be epic.
Relationships: Agron & Duro, Agron/Nasir
Kudos: 12





	That Time That Agron Tripped Balls On Roman Fish (or why I don't actually have a working title - it's save file is FreakyFish)

**Author's Note:**

> Please note: this is probably rough AF. It's unbeta'd. Not really edited. I just kinda sat down and let the nearly 3300 words come pouring forth like a faucet. Any and all mistakes are mine. Some of this is headcanon for their backstory. And, honestly? The only idea I own would be their sister, Adela. Everything else is owned by Starz. I'm just borrowing and then putting back in some semblance of the same shape it was in when I took it.

The villa had been decorated to an almost obscene level. It would have been most festive, it not for the blood spattered about here and there. The warriors had not even bothered to clean it from their bodies, before turning their attention to the tables laden with food and drink. Slaves were relieved of their bindings and offered freedom. The alternative, of course, was death. Death of their Dominus was an automatic death sentence for any slave toiling under the house. 

None chose to leave the festivities. 

They also neglected to mention that there was a fish dish upon the massive buffet that had been brought in special for the Dominus. Having heard tales whispered from the very steps of the Senate, he had requested a platter of salema porgy. 

Saturnalia was a celebration of which Agron knew nothing. He had not bothered to learn about whatever it was that propelled the Romans headlong into their hedonistic tendencies. But he knew it was underway and would still be celebrated for days yet. Shaking his head, he plucked an amphora from the dwindling supply and saw himself to meat and berries; knowing that he would need to find the candied figs Nasir was so fond of.

He paused, seeing the fish and frowned. Few had touched it, but he had grown up on a diet of fish - among other meats. "What form of meal is this fish?" He knew question would be ignored as most were already drifting into their own carnal corners. Clothing was being cast off and freed slaves and newly-freed slaves welcomed their sudden lack of rules.

Chaos.

He sighed heavily and plated a few morsels of the fish, before taking his haul away from the raucous celebration. He knew he would find Nasir tending their sleeping space, which was ridiculously near the bathing pool. The Assyrian smiled. "I have claimed this space as our own and seen to it that none will disturb us whilst we bathe." He had even procured oils for his hair.. and after. 

"You prove wise counsel." Agron huffed and set the food down. Nasir paused to inspect and frowned. "Fish? I do not like its texture. Dom.." He sniffed and corrected himself. "My former Dominus was fond of fish and would force it upon Chadara and myself before he had us."

Agron's jaw tightened a little at mention of being used so carelessly. "A former life. If you do not wish it, you do not need to eat it. I was curious, as no one else had touched the fish. I was raised on it." He popped a flaky bit of white meat into his mouth and hummed. It tasted oddly, as though the herbs used were unknown to him. "It tastes oddly, but not unpleasant." He would eat that and see Nasir to his own treats. "I found candied figs for you."

Little gifts were all Agron could manage as they moved from villa to villa to build Spartacus' army. Ribbons to tie in his hair, cloth that was not filthy and covered in blood; but each was given with a crooked, little smile and a shared endearment. Nasir greeted the treat with a wide, happy smile. Each and every one he gifted to Agron was a moment that remained in his heart. True, joyful smiles were rare now despite their newfound freedom.

Nasir ate one quickly and made a soft, pleased sound. "Every villa we raid, I look for figs. We so rarely find them." 

Settling in the water, relieved of clothing, Agron nodded and ate another bit of the fish. "I believe it is due to Saturnalia. I know nothing of it, but everyone seems to be very festive."

Nasir snickered softly. "Yes. It is a winter celebration. We celebrate Saturn and make merry." He glanced out and wondered if the slaves realized that they would not have to force the issue, as they were no longer answering to their Dominus. "Sacrifice is made in his honor and we celebrate for days."

"It sounds..." Agron huffed and glanced sharply toward a corner of the room where he'd seen a bit of light. It was gone, but he frowned. Odd. Shaking it off, he finished the fish and reached for a honeyed bun, realizing he had not eaten anything quite like it. It was sticky-sweet, which balanced well with the wine, but he enjoyed it. 

The water rippled a little and Agron startled, looking at it curiously. Nasir had noticed the strangeness and regarded the warrior quietly. "Are you unwell?" Perhaps the fish had been off? He did not know.

"I am well. I just..." He broke off when the color flickered again in his periphery. "Did you see that?" He gestured toward the darkened corner and frowned. "I keep seeing..." He wasn't certain what. He saw something. But when gaze fell upon whatever it was he sought, it was gone again.

"There is nothing there, Agron. Perhaps you should retire from water lest you injure yourself?" There was a slightly teasing tone to his voice. If Agron was well, perhaps he had imbibed too much wine? Or the fish... It was Nasir's turn to frown. "Do you know what was in with the fish?"

He shook his head. "No, I asked and none answered. It is unlike any fish I have had, nor the spices. I..." another pause and he glanced out beyond the curtain where he had seen a shadow. "I see things." Which drove him from the water. He stood and dried himself on the cloth that yet remained and saw himself to a clean linen for a new subligaria. He laughed a little humorlessly. "I dislike this feeling. As though I dream, but am awake."

Nasir's eyes widened. Oh. Oh no. "Did fish yet have scales upon it?"

Agron shook his head. "Not that I saw. Flaky and white with herbs and spices. Why?" Suspicion bloomed in his chest and he turned to regard Nasir, eyes narrowed. 

"Salema porgy, I suspect. Fish. My former Dominus was fond of visiting Sinuessa en Valle, where they were caught and cultivated. They cause..." He tapped his head and winced a little, with the memory. "They cause the one who ate them to dream whilst awake." He looked at the plate, brows lifting. "Did you eat much?"

"A single fish, I believe. Perhaps less." He did not handle panic well, but his breath caught and he leaned back against the wall. "Is it deadly?"

"No! No." Nasir brought both hands up to press against Agron's chest. "But you will see many things that are not real while it dwells within you."

"For... how long?" He truly did not like the sound of that.

"Days." Nasir nearly squeaked. They had dens near the port where those who ingested the fish could remain while they saw whatever it was that drifted through their consciousness. It was akin to opium, only less potent. He swallowed. "Perhaps we should move our sleeping quarters to a less," he glanced at the pool of water. "damp location."

Agron followed his gaze and nodded. "Wise counsel, yet again. I will..." He paused and watched the shadows as they began to dance and then shook his head. "I will stand here. And not acknowledge the insanity that is slowly overtaking my vision."

Nasir patted his chest. "Stay." Before disappearing. When he returned, moments later, both Spartacus and Mira accompanied. Agron frowned.

"You brought them? Or am I seeing another crooked vision?"

Mira giggled and patted his arm. "We are of this realm, Agron. Come. We will find you safety that you might seek respite from this. Several others have eaten of the fish and are in similar situation."

He groaned softly, but let himself be led whilst Spartacus and Nasir collected their belongings. "It was quite delicious, the devious, shitty fish." He groused softly and glanced up to watch a butterfly flit about the ceiling. It was one that dwelt only within his homeland. Odd.

Mira followed his gaze, eyes widening ever so slightly, and pushed him toward the former Dominus' quarters. It was where she and Spartacus had taken residence, but they would keep Agron close and watch over him. He paused, looking suspiciously about the room and then made his way to a corner where he slid down and sat. "I will remain here." The declaration was stated with authority, but he did not believe it for a moment. Especially when he could still see the butterfly outside.

Spartacus entered after a moment and Nasir followed. They both paused to watch Agron, expressions carefully neutral. Nasir had explained the extent to what they might witness, and how long they would need to watch over their friend, when Naevia appeared in the doorway.

"There is," she frowned, pausing to take in the sight. "Issue. But I see you have one of your own."

Mira made a face and left Spartacus and Nasir to handle Agron. She would tend to Naevia. And, unfortunately, learn that all of the fish had been eaten and there were more than a dozen individuals who had come to raid the villa who were now seeing what was not there. The gods had seen fit to fuck them thoroughly for destroying a proper Saturnalia festival. The Dominus, Titus, had sacrificed his goat to Saturn and asked for many blessings. The gift of the fish had been his last act of contrition, it would seem.

Crixus, who had abstained, made his way toward the Thracian and froze, seeing Agron seated on the floor. Agron was staring at his hand, moving it this way and that, eyes wide. "It flows like water." He said, voice awe struck.

"Fucking shit." The Gaul exhaled. "The gods seek to punish us?" 

Spartacus laughed. "No, I am told this was common among the Romans. We were simply not informed by those who toiled beneath this roof that such was here." All they needed now was word that the Empire was coming down upon them like the might of Jupiter, himself. 

Nasir ignored the pair and rested the blanket over Agron's legs. He smiled at Nasir, dimple flashing. "Gratitude. You look as though you were blessed by spirit. You shine." He reached out to pet Nasir's hair, before sighing heavily. "I am tired."

"You should rest." Nasir said softly. 

Nodding, Agron slid down until he was very nearly in fetal position and closed his eyes. It did not stop the visions from coming, but it made it easier to not chase them. Crixus closed his eyes and shook his head, before exiting. He had to tend to his own men. The Gauls had all indulged and were currently terrorizing each other and whomever they might reach. There were screams and laughter, as even the former slaves of the villa had indulged. They knew what the fish could do to one's mind, but it mattered not. They were free and could make such choices their own.

Agron drifted. Sleep seemed to evade, but he felt as though he floated along and endless, black river of nothingness. It did not last, however. He heard laughter which pulled him from his doze and he frowned. That voice, why did he know that voice?

"Because you know my voice better than any other, you fucking woman." 

He sat up and stared at the spectre of his brother. "Duro? You are dead."

Nasir, who had settled at the end of the bed to watch over Agron whilst Mira and Spartacus tended to the addled masses, stiffened. He looked toward the door, where nothing stood. "Agron, there is nothing there."

"Duro." He looked from his brother's shade to his lover. "He is dead, but he stands," he made a face. "And insults me from the fucking afterlife."

"As I must." Duro rolled his eyes. Agron could still make out the bloody wound that had robbed the younger German of his life. And when Duro turned to leave, Agron was up on unsteady legs to follow. Nasir made attempt to stop, but Agron pried himself free and turned to the small man. 

"Duro. I must follow. He did not receive proper funeral rites. His shade will haunt me if I do not tend him now." 

Nasir knew better than to leave the warrior on his own, so he followed at a safe distance, blade in hand. If Agron deigned to leave the villa grounds, he would do what he could to protect. And while he had not gleaned much from the training that had been given, he could heft the blade with more ease. It was still far heavier than the feather Spartacus promised it would be.

Agron, for his part, followed the shade as he moved silently through the throngs of celebration-minded souls. Some were writhing as they endured their own hallucinations, but there were plenty who had avoided the fish and merely drank themselves into a stupor.

"Where does that fuck go now?" Crixus paused to watch and sighed. Naevia regarded them both with some alacrity, but did not move to intervene. Nasir seemed to have a firm grasp on the situation. 

"It matters not. Your men need you now." She pulled him toward Rhaskos who had stripped and was attempting to have his way with an overturned barrel. Chadara lay sprawled upon the ground, petting the barrel and cooing at it.

"I will find whoever sent these fucking fish and see their cock parted from their body." He grumbled softly and moved around, seeking to avoid Rhaskos' thrusting hips. "And shoved firmly down his fucking throat."

Naevia laughed softly and draped cloth over the exposed nether regions. She had no desire to see such things.

Outside, Agron followed Duro, pausing only to watch snow as it fell. It circled around him, and he reached out to catch flakes, before even Duro stopped to await his attention. Realizing that now both a shade and a soul still among the living were staring at him, Agron lowered his hand. "It snows." He explained, as though his words would see him from their equally accusing and curious stares. Duro rolled his eyes again before continuing the trek forth. 

Nasir frowned. "I have never seen snow." When it had grown cold enough, his former Dominus had moved them to warmer climes and away from poor weather. 

Agron started after Duro and huffed. "In my homeland, it would snow so frequently that we would have to keep watch over those within the clan and village, lest they freeze to death." He had found a body or two in his youth, blue and stiff, eyes forever staring at nothing.

His brother had stopped walking.

"Duro." A lifetime of hunting and being hunted gave Agron cause to lower his voice. Duro did not move. Even the blood that had been trickling down his back had ceased, as though he was nothing more than a macabre statue. 

"There." Was all Duro said after a beat. He lifted a single hand to point and Agron followed its direction. Beyond, deep within a valley, lay nestled a small grouping of villas. It was far enough that their celebration could go unnoticed. But not for long.

Not nearly long enough for those who had ingested the fish to pass through their madness.

Nasir stopped at Agron's side and knelt, staring at the villas. He shook his head. "Those villas should not have so many people." They had been places he had seen intimately during his treks with his former Dominus. 

Agron was kneeling now too. "Those are villas that were raided before ever we darkened your former Dominus' doorstep." He shook his head, willing it to be clear. "You see the people?" He looked to Nasir. "It is not as I see Duro or..." He glanced back. The snow. The butterfly. The shadows. 

But Nasir was nodding. "I see it. They appear," Agron cut him off.

"Military. It is Roman military." Fuck the gods. "We must warn Spartacus and find safe haven for those afflicted by those fucking fish."

"I will tell him." Nasir patted Agron's arm. "Do not allow your brother's shade to convince you that you can fly." He did not wish to leave Agron, but the larger man would be impossible to move and he knew time was of the essence. 

Agron looked up at Duro, who now looked upon the two with a mischievous smile. 

"Do not fucking cast that look." He pointed at his brother, causing the younger man to laugh. It echoed a little.

"Can you fly, brother?" Duro teased as Nasir retreated to warn the rebellion of just how close they were to certain death.

"Fucking ass." Agron snorted, an unwanted smile pulled at his lips and he shook his head.

"Perhaps you should make attempt. Hold out your arms and let the wind carry you." Duro looked entirely too amused with himself, as he mimed that very thing, moving ever closer to the edge of the cliff. Had he been yet among the living, Agron might have cautioned him against such an act. But no more.

"You are fucking hilarious, brother." But Agron found he was laughing softly, settled in the grass. "Why did you come to me? Why not father?"

"Did you wish to see Father?" Duro turned from the cliff's edge and cocked his head. "He waits, as do mother and Adela." He waited a beat and then shrugged, lips quirking. "I came because you would heed me. Would you have followed Father, should he saunter through the debauchery?"

Agron glanced back at the villa and thought he could make out shadows coming their direction. And then shook his head, because no, he would not have wanted to be seen with that sort of rabble. It was beneath him. 

"There is your fucking answer. I have come and shown you wisdom. Do not question the messenger."

"Will you leave now?" Would there be other hallucinations? Certainly he was far from seeing an end to the madness.

"Perhaps. I grow bored here. I cannot lift blade to practice as I once did." Duro frowned. "You did not come back for my body."

At that, Agron looked up. "I could not. We were branded fugitivus. To seek you out for proper funeral would have meant my own demise." It would have insulted Duro's gift of life.

Spartacus had slowed to a walk, seeing Agron speaking to nothing. Nasir glanced up at him and whispered. "Duro." His brows lifted and he nodded once. He had quite enjoyed the younger German's candor. His humor had been a welcome reprieve in a place mired in shit and piss.

Agron regarded the pair as they finally came within earshot. "Duro has guided me to this place. And I see that we are in grave, fucking danger."

The look on Spartacus' face was enough to confirm that. "We must seek out a safe place to house those afflicted by the fish until such time as we can move once more." If they learned of the overtaking of the villa, all would be lost. Agron nodded and looked up to confirm such with Duro and frowned.

Duro was gone.

"Has he left us?" Nasir asked softly, holding a hand out for Agron to stand. He was still unsteady, but he seemed almost clear in his thoughts and actions.

He nodded. "He has. But I do not believe I am clear from visions." More would come. Of that he was certain.


End file.
